BesoMami

Suggesting that one should pursue adoption as a way to sway the fertility gods in your favor. Awful.

Please refer to p. 34 of the November/December issue of this publication.

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Dear Mrs. Boinski,

Thank you for the package. The weather here is quite mild. I am feeling okay. We are waiting to hear about many things. A house guest joined us last night. She was a little late in finding our house, but it was good to have her.

Truly yours,
Mrs. Kozakiewicz

P.S. Mailing chocolate from Tucson to Illinois is not always a successful endeavor.

Irregardless.

I know some people claim this is a legitimate word.

Really, it just makes you sound like someone who hasn't been reading your word-a-day calendar very carefully. Or like George W. Bush*.


*Yes, I know this is a joke news site... don't email me about that.

So... one of my internal organs was being pulled and stretched in odd and improper directions by scar tissue attached to another internal organ. Now I am lighter by one body part and a load of scar tissue. Hopefully this will help things. I appreciate all the calls and prayers and notes and good thoughts (not to mention the bourbon fudge, casseroles, flowers, cards and door-to-door transportation services). More later -- I am going back to sleep. Thanks again, everyone.

How to torture two young children:

1) Attempt to dress suspects (children: ages 2 years, 11 months and 4 years 9 months) in fancy outfits.

2) Curl hair of younger suspect. Try not to burn with curling iron. Note the extremely straight texture of suspect's hair. Try to keep suspect from smearing found red lipstick on previously mentioned fancy outfit.

3) Get suspects and interrogators out the door without K-9 assistant jumping up with muddy paws or shredding nylons with said muddy paws.

4) Avoid quickly descending raindrops while entering torture chamber.

5) Wait turn to meet with Chief Investigator (aka Olan Mills church directory photographer).

6) Try not to strangle suspects as they execute all deflection techniques at CI.

7) Supervise younger suspect who alleges she needs to "make stinky potty". Remove shoes, tights, onesie, skirt, etc., from younger suspect in torture chamber restroom while being observed by noisy, elderly Investigator. Stinky potty turns out to be a ruse.

8) Ignore wailing pleas of suspects as they are confined in the torture chamber nursery. Face off at length with Financial Underminer (aka Olan Mills photo saleswoman).

9) Escape torture chamber with suspects. Feel pity as they imploringly register hunger pains.

10) Bad intelligence. Suspects launch counterattack. Restaurant staff working for suspects. Even after hours of constant onslaught, suspects are rewarded with ice cream by staff.

11) Return home. Avoid attack bassett hound/K-9 unit. Wrestle suspects into pajamas.

12) Collapse. Wait for tomorrow's orders. Wonder who is torturing whom.

When I had surgery a year ago in May, a good friend from Little Church on the Desert came to the hospital to encourage me and to keep my husband company in the waiting room. This friend, a nurse named Debra, was battling yet another skin cancer at that time. She was in the midst of a treatment for a melanoma on her lips, and the kind of chemotherapy cream she used caused deep and noticeable burns. When my surgeon came into the room just before the "doping" IV was put into my arm, she did a double take and offered to write a prescription for Debra. My RN friend laughed and explained to the surgeon that her appearance was due to a prescription treatment from her oncologist.

Deb was such a help during that time. She called me at home while I recovered. She (along with many other Little Church on the Desert members) brought gifts and food to the house.

This past Thursday, while sitting in the waiting room of a new surgeon's office in a different part of the country, for a pre-surgical appointment for the same damn problems I've been dealing with for years, I felt alone and frustrated. The doctor was running late, so I thumbed through a magazine called Shape or Health or something like that... and my eyes came across a letter to the editor, encouraging women to wear lipsticks or lip balms with SPF every day in order to avoid skin cancer on their mouths. The letter was signed by my nurse friend Debra. It was one of those moments that caused tears to spill over before I realized I was crying. I do miss Little Church and our friends in Arizona so much...

I have another good nurse friend here at Big Church. She is going to take my son to school this coming Friday, and also bring him home from school that same day. I feel so grateful that these Elders of the church take their ministry of healing and caring so seriously.

We are having a party at our house tonight. I wanted to have a little get-together for the staff at Big Church, along with a few Presbytery colleagues and neighbors (the invitations got a little out of hand -- and I still could have asked a couple dozen more folks along). We had a fun party for the Associate Pastor Nominating Committee back in June and now we are having this party. Maybe my next party will be a Valentine's Day bash. (Of course, we will have birthday parties for both kids, but these are kid *and* adult-friendly events!)

Our house is clean, two kinds of chili are cooking on the stove, the fridges and coolers are stocked with drinks, the dishwasher is running. Oh, and our new bathroom vanity was installed this morning -- yet another leap into the 21st century for our little abode.

I love hosting parties. I love having good music, good food, friends, and kids running around. I love that nice tiredness of collapsing on the couch once everyone is gone.

The weirdest RSVP -- someone who tells me yesterday that she and her spouse are coming. When she finds out who all will be in attendance, she changes her mind, emails AND leaves a voice mail telling me I have disappointed her and that she and her spouse will not be attending. I wish all you out-of-state friends could party with us tonight. And even if you couldn't come, I know you'd RSVP in a polite manner. She even scolded me a little and said I would not be receiving a gift she had for me. Um, okay?!! I can understand not wanting to attend, but how about a normal message like, "I'm sorry. Something came up. Thanks again!" Clergy are an odd bunch.

The good news is that it's been raining most of the day. Our very parched yard is grateful for the drink.

Our bathroom sink is leaking. I've wanted to replace the bathroom vanity cabinet and sink since the day the realtor first walked us through the house. But I hate to replace stuff due to emergency plumbing circumstances. We spent an hour in Lowe's yesterday, but the salesmen literally COULD NOT figure out how to sell us stuff. The computer system was too confounding, I guess. We had better luck with Home Depot. It seems we've officially converted to Home Depot-dom.

We've had so many experiences in the last few weeks of folks not calling back, not emailing back, just generally ignoring requests and questions. This has happened both personally and professionally. To me and to Brett. Is our house or are our computers in some black hole or void? I don't understand it. Doctors can't make appointments for weeks and weeks, websites are down, phone numbers are disconnected. It has been odd.

Mercury is in retrograde or something. (I have no idea what that means, but something funky is up).

Anyone attending the RevGal continuing ed event next March in New Orleans? I paid my deposit yesterday (after an amazing amount of phone tag with the travel agent) but I do not have a roommate for the event. Anyone? Anyone? I promise, I do not snore (ask Little Mary, we roomed together at the Young Clergy Women event back in August...)

Baby girl will turn 3 on November 8th. The birthday party is planned. Her gift is in the garage, hiding under a blanket (a playhouse -- shhh, don't tell!) Nana is flying in for the weekend. Potty training in progressing in a slow but steady fashion. I can't believe that my baby will be 3! Party details to follow...

Thanks for the comments on my 'Chronos' post. I will be having surgery on the 25th of October, so the doctor can look around in my abdominal and pelvic cavities to see if there is scar tissue on my kidneys or somewhere else that might be causing my pain. This is the third surgery of this type I've had since 2005, so I am hoping that something is resolved more permanently this time.

As my Greek scholars are well aware, the word chronic comes from the word chronos, meaning time or duration.

I am working on my 20th year of living with chronic pain. The pain has ebbed and flowed during the years, soothed by medication and hormone treatments. Due to my chronic condition, I had one emergency surgery in 2005 and one scheduled surgery in 2006.

I spent a good part of the day today having and recovering from invasive tests due to a recurrence of my symptoms. These issues were supposedly "cured" by my 2006 surgery. I now know that nearly 50% of folks with my condition experience serious symptoms again within a year. I escaped that 50% -- my symptoms took about 15 months to reoccur. I go in for two more tests tomorrow, mostly to rule out conditions that my doctor thinks do not apply to me.

So, I am annoyed and irritated and feeling a little sorry for myself. I also am feeling guilty for feeling bad, because I know a number of folks who have much more serious, much more debilitating conditions. I mostly feel mad at the time and money wasted on doctors, prescriptions, and worry. I also feel like any surgeries will not work well in to the liturgical calendar -- isn't that dumb?

As I bathed the kids and put them to bed a few minutes ago, I remembered to thank God for my chronic illness. If it were not for these problems, I would not have my children in my life. Chronos meets kairos. Thanks be to God.

Lily models the outfit GGF purchased for her...

Rev. Kim tagged me for this meme:

Four Jobs I've Held
receptionist at a photography studio
Tour guide for the University of Arizona
Cokesbury bookstore clerk
hospice chaplain

Four Films I Could Watch Over & Over
High Fidelity (John Cusack, baby)
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Singles (I know, showing my age and my love of dumb stuff)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the original one with Gene Wilder)

Four T.V. Shows I Watch
The Office
Antiques Roadshow
How I Met Your Mother
Law & Order

Four Places I've Lived
Mesa/Tempe, AZ
Tucson, AZ
Austin, TX
Lebanon, KY

Four Favorite Foods
cheese & crackers
dark chocolate
diet coke

Four Websites I Visit Daily
Fidelia's Sisters
Facebook
PCUSA
Yahoo news

Four Favorite Colors
red
grey
butter yellow
apple green

Four Places I Would Love To Be Right Now
a hot tub
Coronado Island, CA
Antigua, Guatemala
Tuscany

Four Names You Love, But Could/Would Not Use For Your Children
Harper (like Harper Lee, you know? Brett would not go for it...)
Audrey
James (b-i-l's middle name)
Christopher (brother's name)

I'm tagging:
Joy
Brett
TinMan
My Mom

"Exact same" -- as in , "I received the exact same response." Fingernails down my psychic chalkboard.

• Fashion statement: I am glad that low-rise pants seem to be going out of style.
• My daughter is talking SO much these days. She will turn 3 a month from today. 3!
• I like working in the office on days like today. Things were relatively slow due to Columbus Day, so I got quite a bit of work done.
• The band Spoon sounds quite a bit like early Billy Joel. Spoon would probably not appreciate the comparison.
• T-2 days until the long-awaited Target opens. Yay!
• My mom sent me a very nice gift. It arrived today -- thanks Mom!
• The weather is supposed to cool within the next couple of days. My spouse becomes markedly less crabby during cooler weather. Just sayin'.
• Have you visited Fidelia's Sisters yet? Have you read the articles? And commented? I don't believe you have...
• Praise God for people who help with things at church without being asked. You shall inherit the earth (or something like that).
  

Did y'all think that facebook was only for young cool kids? Well, it is full of dorky old pastors like me and my friends. Kind of funny.

GGF and I did some power shopping on Friday. I found a gorgeous suit at 75% off retail. I've needed a new suit. My other suit is almost eight years old. This new suit is beautiful and fits me perfectly, no tailoring required. Unfortunately it is going to be over 90 degrees today (and humid -- yuck!), so my suit's debut will be delayed until a more appropriate occasion.